Leal poetess

Sometimes I don't know why I was thrown into this life. This world is one I don't belong to, I never have. I feel like all I'm colorblind to everyone's half truths and self justifications and all I can see when I look around are broken hearts and shattered dreams waiting for God to pour out His living water and show people that there is life living in truth. But thats why I'll never belong. I can spend hours just sitting by myself, staring at the ocean crashing over rocks and feel my heart cry with each crashing, never feeling alone because I'm looking at and enveloped by God's Creation. Nature is a reflection of His majestic love.

I've been told I have beauty, but I will never see it. All I know is that in Christ's eyes, I am His. I will never find fulfillment from throwing myself down at the altar of this world, selling my soul for a second's worth of gratification and a lifetime of sorrow.

I don't know if there will come a day when I can lay down my sword and just weep until I can finally rest. It seems all I can do in this life of mine is ask God to give me the strength I don't have and I am always so weary.

I know that I love, but maybe I love too much. I love with everything I am, everything I have or don't have, for which I ask Christ. And it seems I am perpetually torn. Pleading with God once again to trade me beauty for ashes.